New Lows...

...or highs as the case may be. I'm on summer vacation and I've really just let things slide. Actually if I'm being honest, I've been letting things slide since my knee injury and especially right around the surgery and recovery time. I'm at an all time high in my measurements and weight. I simply can't wait around any more to get started with being healthy. I don't know if I want to take huge drastic steps all at once because when I do that I seem to set myself more for failure than I do for success. I do, however, think that I really need to get back to controlling my portions and being active. So this entry is my pledge to get back into that part of my life... Summer vacation be damned. Please lend me your support and positive thoughts and prayers so that I feel like I have a support network. I'm going to try and make a pledge to track my a progress like before but with a little more regularity and honesty. Thanks!

Post Surgery Depression

So it's been two weeks since I had my knee surgery.  I thought I'd give up carbs and sugars to help me not pack on the pounds after the surgery but I'm an emotional eater and so I didn't.  I've come to realize that being able to be active motivates me to eat well, to be more positive and to also be more social.  Right now, all I do is stay home as much as possible, eat things that aren't great for me and gain weight because I'm eating sugary things, chips, breads, rice, pasta... whatever strikes my fancy.  Sure, most of my portions are smaller but I'm not making good choices.  Yes, my knee is healing beautifully and I'm able to walk around more and more each day (and I do)... I'm even able to go up and down stairs with some regularity now.  I'm also doing some doctor prescribed exercises at home and am seeing strength return but I'm still sad that I can't run or even cycle.  I know that it's only been two weeks and I'm keen to heal well and not rush it but I can't wait to be active again.  I'm hoping that in 2 more weeks I can at least get back on my bike and break a sweat again.  I'm also hoping that I can start making some good choices for my fuel intake.  I will also say that needing an unexpected root canal (this just happened this past week) didn't help my emotional, pity party eating habits.  It's times like this that I wish I had an accountability partner on the same track as me, dealing with my same issues to help talk me through and keep me motivated.  I'm hoping that by posting on here, some of you will push me to make some better choices and will support my desire to get back on the pony express of good, healthy living.  Stay tuned... I think it may be time to measure, weigh and do some embarrassing photos to help me get motivated too.

Surgery just days away....

So my knee does need surgery and I've decided to go ahead with it so that it can get better faster while the problem is still fairly minimal.  But the kicker is that I won't be allowed to do any physical activity (even cycling with no resistance) for 3 or 4 weeks afterwards.  Of course I will heed the doctor's directions so that it heals well and I can actually get to running again.  However, this is a bummer as I do want to keep losing weight and getting fit.  My mom suggested doing some seated Tai Chi to work my upper body during that time which might be cool but there isn't much cardio in it... still worth doing something though, right?  But I've decided that after the surgery I'd eliminate some things from the food part of my life to help me... like sugar and white carbs (flour, rice, pasta etc).  I've been pretty good at keeping that out but now I'm just going to kiss it good bye... I've given up most meat at this stage as well (not because I have political issues or anything, or even because I don't like it... just because it's not convenient and I often don't feel like I want to eat it).  I'm hoping to up my veggies more and get more of my proteins from beans, lentils etc.  Basically, I'm going to take my cardio recovery time as a time to tackle some of my food issues (nothing too crazy or extreme because then all I want is what I can't have) and see how that works.  Instead of being further depressed by my limitations, I'm going to choose to be  impressed by the things I can do to continue to make positive contributions to my health!  Stay tuned... I'll probably be blogging about it at some point! ;)

Broken Body=Broken Motivation?

If you know and follow me on facebook you know that I've been dealing with a knee issue for a few months. I fell a while back and although much of it has healed, it's never completely healed. I went to the doctor and he confirmed that it's a little more messed up than I would like it to be and that surgery is on my horizon. He's let me deal with the choice of surgery now under his capable care or risking it getting worse etc. and having someone else do it. I'm pretty convinced that the time is now while the repairs would be minor.
With that said, my biggest struggle is to be motivated to work out. I've been told that I cannot run until it's fixed... running is how I get my real cardio workout in. Sure I can cycle on a stationary bike (I have one on my balcony but the seat is horrible and my rear end is in intense pain after about 5 minutes) but since I can't use any real resistance, I don't get a good workout. I can go for walks but the same thing happens... And as a fat chick, I REALLY need the good cardio to burn. My motivation is waning, that's for sure. I'm still eating fairly well most days and the inability to hit it hard in the gym has effected my appetite for sure... mostly I find that I'm not interested in eating at all (unless it's popcorn, hehe). Oh... and for all of you thinking that getting in a swimming pool would be the answer... you are so right, but when I checked into the ONLY pool that is open and within my area (like literally any others are between a 40 minute or 1 hour bus ride away), I was told I couldn't buy a short term membership... one year or nothing at all. If I wasn't moving in June, that'd be great but since I'll be in another country, that's a no go.... *sigh*Help me friends... help me find the motivation to exercise and alternatives that are workable. Right now, all I want to do is lay in bed in fat clothes and eat popcorn and ice cream.... yup... I'm mad/sad/frustrated and an emotional eater... oh... no yoga either because the injury makes it impossible to kneel... *sigh*

Sweating it Out

So even though I'm under orders from the doctor NOT to run (which burns mega calories, and which I've been getting better and better at), I decided that I could still find a way to get to the gym and get my sweat on. The old me would have whined, complained, told every soul with a pair of ears (I kinda still did that last one) and then gone home to gorge on not good for me foods... but this me, the new me, the improved and better me.... well, she packed her gym bag, dragged it to school and took her bum knee to the gym to hit the weights and the bike. I was there for about an hour or so and sweat nearly as much as if I'd run... it was good... really good and it was a great way to force to to lift weights which are great calorie burners too. I like the new me better... she loves herself and wants the best for herself... YAH!! And it was great because one of my basketball players looked at me today (we took our team picture) and asked if I'd lost weight... I said I had but just a tiny bit and she said it was totally noticeable... maybe I don't see it but it's so encouraging when others do!!!
So if you have an injury and can find a way around it... then do.. it's great!

Body Parts

*sigh* Sometimes they just don't cooperate. I hurt my knee a while back and went in to see the doctor. His primary concern at the time was that I had broken or fractured part of my knee so I had X-Rays done and was cleared. However, the front of my knee is still numb and tingles when touched and there is pressure and pain when I bend it deeply or put pressure on it by kneeling. So I went back to the doctor (who is AWESOME, by the way) to have him have another look and this time an MRI is in order and I am NOT to run... this is a HUGE bummer for me because I've really enjoyed running and started having some good success with it lately. But okay... so since I'm off the running until I get the okay from the doctor, I need to find other ways to be active that don't involve putting too much pressure or impact on my knee... and no, I don't have a swimming pool at my availability (weird, I know, since I work at a university and they don't have one in ANY of their gyms). So today I walked home from the main campus which is about 3km and then I do have a really crappy stationary bike at my apartment... I guess those are my options for now... any other suggestions?! I know I can still do my core and stuff with my ball and bands, so that's good but I need to BURN this fat off... help, please....

Day Three... RUNNING!!

So I worked really hard to be able to run for up to 25 minutes through the Couch-to-5K program a couple of years ago and I did it... Then I stopped. I gave up and so I've had to start all over again. I've been giving up on myself every time too... I've been running for 5 minutes and then convincing myself that it was too hard, or my legs didn't feel right, or my lungs/heart/brain/whatever was working too hard and that I needed to slow down and walk. Thing is that I barely run as it is, it's more of a slow plodding jog. But I have a friend here in Turkey who is a really consistent runner and who believes in her friends. She's been encouraging me to just keep going. Yesterday I hopped on the treadmill, walked 2 minutes to warm up and then told myself internally that I would run for 10 minutes... when I reached 10, I felt good and thought I'd just go a little more... then I reached 15 minutes and thought I'd just keep going because I felt okay. At 17 minutes I felt a little dizzy so I slowed down to a walk for 2 minutes and then ran for another 3 minutes. We have a 25 minute maximum on our treadmills at the gym so then I had to get off after one more minute of walking (my last minute of running I upped my speed so as to push myself). I felt so good and so proud of myself... then I walked UPHILL in the SNOW to get home and prepare some yummy snacks for friends that came by last night. It was just a really great day and evening and I felt like this is the life I deserve and want.... a little window into where I'm heading in life and I like it...

Today (day 4) it's sunny and warmer so I think I might try and go outside and go for a good long walk and then come home to do some yoga and work with the bands for strength....